My Anxiety Is Driving Me Insane


I stay up at night, becausemy mind is thumping too fast. My lungs are sucking in airtoo fast. My meditates are hastening too fast, reaching me terrified of what the future will bring.

Sometimes, the future I’m focused on is tomorrow. Sometimes, it’s a weekfrom now. Sometimes, it’s ten years from now.It doesn’t really matter.

Even if I’m stressedabout an contest that’s marked later on my schedule, I can’t appease myself down, I can’t rationalize my fears.

I can’t tell myself that there’s no reason to worry about it, that I can think about it afterward. No. My feeling doesn’t understand period. It tortures me for as long as it wants.

That’s why I end up are concerned about thoughts that would never even work through the brains of a’ regular’ person.Things that are so small-scale and insignificant to the rest of the world — but matter so damn much to me.

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The last act I want to do isembarrass myself. I don’t want to draw attention to my life. I just want to bleed into the background. I require everyone to walk past me without “re giving me” two seconds glance.

I’m the type of person that detects the most comfortable with aroutine. I like to do the same accurate thoughts day after day, so that I know what to expect.

I hate astonishes. I hate getting caught off his guard, becauseI can never believe on the spot. I can’t come up with conversation topics unless I believe them up ahead of period. I can’t say aloud unless I recite the word in my top over and over beforehand.

I might not talk that is something that in person, but I have perpetual conversations with friends and coworkersinside of my top. I try to run specific situations through my mindso I’m prepared for anything they could possibly say to me.

But when the time comes, I still feel like I’m unprepared. Like I’m flub to dothe right thing.

And you know what sucks “the worlds largest”?

There are hours, sometimes even full, when I’m fine. When I’m capable of searching astranger in the eyes without seeming like I’m being suffocated. When I actually were of the view that I’m getting better, that my feeling is fading into my past.

And then those darkness arrive whereI can just function. I want to cry out of exasperation. I want to hit something, shed something. I want toturn into someone else, person with a handle on their feelings, person with an actual life.

I hate mood like this. I hate being so scared — and if you ask me what exactly I’m scaredof, I can frankly tell you that I have no idea. ButI could alsolist off a million little things, thoughts that you’ll wave your hand at and enunciate

Lately, I’m having trouble sleeping. I’m having trouble waking. I’m having trouble lying, because there’s this tightness in my chest that refuses to leave.

I wish I knew how to fix it, that I had some supernatural cure, but sometimes I feel like it’sunfixable. Like I’m going to feel this mode forever.

I just have to hold onto the said he hoped that I’m wrong.

Read more: http :// thoughtcatalog.com/ holly-riordan/ 2017/04/ my-anxiety-is-driving-me-insane /~ ATAGEND

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