10 Insane Old Websites Nobody Ever Thought To Delete

The internet moves rapidly. Too rapidly. Holding-hands-on-the-second-date tight( we’re reticent ). Aging websites often end into thin air when they lose their purpose or Google decides to make a better explanation of them. But sometimes these fossils refuse to give up. Someone, for some reason, is hindering the brightness on, leaving us future tribes a uncommon glimpse of how depressingly crap the internet’s archaic past( i.e. about ten years ago) can be.

So strap in, give your watches to 1996 -ish, and be prepared to join a entire cluster of mailing lists.

10

So Many Sad Movie Facebook Pages Are Somehow Still Active

Whatever your crappy racket necessitates, it can’t getting worse than being paid below minimum wages for stopping out-of-date movies no one pays a fuck about alive on Facebook. So let’s pour one out for all the social media directors wasting the best years of “peoples lives” trying to move bad age-old movies relevant on that website your mama consumes. And there are a surprising batch of them.

That post was originated on the Battleship Facebook page on February 20 th. Of this year . It’s some inadequate schmuck’s racket to log into this page every few months, protruded it with a deposit, and make it move just enough to get the piranhas out.

Others sheets have been granted the sweetened exhaust of extinction, merely for the devotees to refuse to let go, because goddamn it, their views on a shitty movie from half a decade ago will never not is to apply. Someone posted a comment on the John Carter page only a few days ago, although it is last promotional announce was from July 2012!

But those Facebook sheets are the lucky ones. Others are kept alive for far less noble determinations. Like The Last-place Airbender or Robin hood , whose Facebook unlife has only served as an advertising platform for other media for years. they’re like subconscious hobos garmented in sandwich boards being propped up against lampposts.

9

Read These Hopeful Reddit Threads About Disappointing Movies

Disavowing something can be a really useful skill to have, but caving to peer pressing and claiming “youve never” liked it is a lot easier without a paper trail. And the internet’s precisely one big-hearted paper trail. That has resulted in a lot of dashed movie hopes still recurring the lower echoes of Reddit.

But everyone can construction misunderstandings, so let’s painfully focus on the massive miscalculations. Like these Redditors get genuinely run about The Last-place Airbender , with their most major concern being that shaping the movie 3D might spoil it. Sure, that’s what broke The Last-place Airbender . C’mon, the only route 3D became The Last-place Airbender worse is the fact that it opened the movie a entire other dimension to suck in.

Or Man Of Steel , which was going to be great. Henry Cavill was going to be great. Everything was going to be great. Just huge. The only anxiety these diehard devotees had was that someone was maybe going to be too great . Specifically, Kevin Costner was being so stunning in the trailers that these Redditors were worried Pa Kent would steal the demo away from his super son. And while they were right to be worried that the starring of Waterworld would outdistance the starring of Immortals , luckily the movie shown itself to be such a piece of shit that no one came out a winner.

But the hoof can be in the other cavity, too. When John Carter turned out to be a massive dud, the filmmakers soon placed the digit of denounce at market, which had presumably been so bad that it changed the devotees against the movie.

8

Some Hero Has Been Raging Against Internet Explorer For 20 Times

Microsoft Windows has developed a honour of being the overbearing mother of operating application. With every new iteration, it makes on more and more unremovable aspects — for our own good, of course. And while hundreds of gatherings now dedicate themselves to complaining about the totalitarian Windows machine, the rebellion begins with Nathan Lineback and his burning hatred for Internet Explorer.

toastytech.com

On the front, Nathan’s Toasty Technology Page looks like any other ancient website put up by some ‘9 0s OG( original geek ). But with some detective work, you can spot a link to a more radical page, subtly entitled “IE is EVIL !!! ” Clicking on it recruits you into a hellscape wherein Bill Gates is Satan, a bespectacled supervillain who is trying to take over “the worlds” by boxing Internet Explorer with Windows 95. Not accurately Ultron-level evil, but certainly Lex Luthor having an off day.

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We’ll never know if he succeeded in his quest .

“Who would want this? ” Lineback exclaimed over the noise gathered by that Windows 95 16 -bit ruby-red. Surely, there was nothing bad with the age-old system where, if you even craved a web browser, you could just go to a storage and buy one from a store clerk with folding money. Lineback didn’t understand why people were “spewing thoughtless drivel about how browsers would somehow magically oust operating system eventually, and how in the future all applications would be ‘web based.'” Can you suspect? — mailed from my iPhone.

But if you think that IE is EVIL !!! croaked the route of, well, Internet Explorer, ponder again. Lineback is still fighting the good fight against our tech overlords, the last update in his “rants” section being in December of 2016. We guess he’ll never stop until either her or Bill Gates is dead in the foot. Our money’s on the billionaire funding medical research and not the middle-aged PC rider “whos been” rage-typing for most of his life.

7

This Zine Is Still Bringing You the Latest In Ska Culture

Zines were to be the golden successor to magazines, merely with a shortened reputation because that’s what the girls smoking behind the bike molted added was chill. Though in truth, zines on the internet were much closer to fan sheets, thorough blogs kept up by a single dedicated innocent each. Most of them have gone to the big-hearted geocity in the sky, but one of the more ambitious zines is still floating around, yielding us the latest news on a music genre no one younger than 25 has ever heard of.

Skagirl.tripod.com took it upon itself to cover the entirety of the third motion ska infatuation, the whole way from 1997 to somewhat eventually in 1997.

The site truly reported all aspects of life that involved ska — which was, of course, all of them. Require to know what ska has appeared in announce? There’s a page for that. Require to have a ska-inspired luncheon? Just extend the recipes page.( We recommend the “Ska’s The Limit Mango& Citrus Salad” ). And if there’s anything ska-related you can’t instantly find, precisely try sought for it on Skahoo, the ska search engine( strangely no longer manipulating ).

The last diary entering, which might be the most depressing start to a decision, shut the books on January 2000, as the new millennium was simply no region for the beautiful announce of dozens of white-hot sons in zoot suit rending off Caribbean culture. But as long as skagirl.tripod.com exists, ska will never truly belong in the past.

6

This Pre-Google Internet Search Portal Is Disappearing Nowhere Fast

Before Google, there was Ask Jeeves. Before Ask Jeeves, there was AltaVista. And before even AltaVista, but sometime after the fabrication of the library, there was the little search engine who are able to, ifindit.com. Require to be acknowledged that our ancestors scoured for porn? Then give your monitors to 800 x600 and look at this blow from the past.

Strangely, you can still visit ifindit.com, but there really isn’t any intellect left to do so. The website might call itself the “largest super search guide on the net” like it’s the internet’s granddad, but years of neglect have killed all of its ties-in and algorithm, changing it into a search engine that can’t find you anything. Still better than Bing, though.

Actually , not quite all of the links are dead. One’s alive and kicking, which will extend you to an internship program for a website announced easynett.com — which is incidentally run by the same fellowship as ifindit.com. We think we might have discovered the first-ever occasion of internet hoarders.

Now in its 20 th year of universe, there’s no reason to think any of us will outlive ifindit.com. The only reason we can think up for its very existence is that somewhere, maybe in a nursing home, its moderators are clasping onto that domain name for dear life in the hopes that Apple does decide to get into the search engine activity. There’s still hope!

5

A Website For One Of The Aliens From The “I’m Blue” Music Video

Eiffel 65 was a ‘9 0s techno choru who, with their breakout stumbled “Blue”( don’t clink that ), briefly quelled the European “annoying Nokia ringtone” place. But we’re not here to talk about Eiffel 65; “they il be” long gone. What has weathered, nonetheless, is the promotional website dedicated to their blue-blooded alien sidekick, Zorotl.

Zorotl was first supposed to be a quirky alien devil for the music videos of Eiffel 65 — who, if you haven’t suspected by now, were really into sci-fi. Nonetheless, the digitized alien “re coming out” so well( which, by ‘9 0s CGI touchstones, denote he looked like a botched Play-Doh doll) that the band are determined to gather a Gorillaz and revolve Zorotl into his own bona fide band.

Zorotl.com announces the start of what the Italian fellowship behind the blue alien must have expected to be a long and prosperous music vocation. This is not just some quickie page announcing DJ Zorotl’s debut stumbled, “I Wanna Be“( don’t clink that ), either. The website has countless sheets, telling the part fiction of Zorotl, his people, and the many cavity seekings he has had with his make/ cavity bouncer.

In fact, the site’s bad English, elaborate imaginary accounts, and record entries make it appear more like the prototype of every video game wiki. It’s almost a shame that Zorotl’s debut single crashed and burned. He could have been the next Crash Bandicoot.

4

The Forgotten Remains Of HD DVDs

If you didn’t have a lot on your plate for that one weekend in 2007, you might be kept in mind that HD DVD tried to be a circumstance. But the format was quickly destroyed during Blu-Ray, which is now being devoured by streaming, which has about two more months left before holo-implants take over. But the fad was around long enough to leave a cluster of ramshackle promotional sites to litter the outskirts of the internet.

There’s refuse like the edict website of the HD DVD explanation of 2007’s Evan Almighty , that sequel to that movie your cousin attended on an aircraft once. Its promotional website , now just operating, perfectly represents the tricky in-between region that was the late aughts. Even the website itself, despite having most trappings of a modern website, appears … off, like it’s the missing link in internet progression and might at a few moments break down and start hurling turd at you.

But it’s not just a random website now or there that can fall into the tar pit of obsolescence. While all its venues have already been repurposed as gender browses and dispensaries, the fiction of the once-great Blockbuster still lives on on the internet 😛 TAGEND

That is all that’s left of Blockbuster, that situate Gen-X marries would go to fight instead of going to counseling. That, and a depressingly brief edict of its demise.

But it wasn’t precisely the website that went down; Blockbuster took a entire ecosystem with it. With its demise likewise returned the demise of all those sites dedicated to hating Blockbuster, like ihateblockbuster.com. It too had to slammed its doorways in 2013 , no longer having the slowly decomposing carcass of Blockbuster to feed on.

3

Dear God, You Can Still Speak A Duke Nukem Fan Site

Appreciation for a vintage video game can crowd countless a web page, but with a new hit activity coming out every other week, the turnover rate of fandom is stupendou. That’s why it’s such a uncommon circumstance to hear ancient synagogues to forgotten gaming idols — intact age-old gaming gatherings. And there was none more godlike( especially since people had to keep pushing back the appointment of his second coming) than Duke Nukem.

Over a decade since Duke Nukem 3D was exhausted, the king’s 3D Realms forum was still going strong. These devotees were die-hard, people who attended Duke Nukem Forever not merely as a designation, but as a way of life.

After all, he was certainly going to make a comeback. And he did! But then “hes been gone” again. But he might come back! But he didn’t, and never will. And so members of the forum of Duke Nukem were kingless, left to slowly wither away and die.

On the third of September 2010, the smaller empire of Nukem finally fell for good. Whatever loyal topics who still remained were told they would have to jam-pack their outdated emoticons and migrate over to the Gearbox forum, where they would be unwanted strangers in a new tract, stripped of their non-numbered original usernames and all status-affirming signatures.

3D Realms, too proud of their bequest, decided to keep the forums archived, so all can still say the mummified remains of the individuals who perform the prince both in living and the afterlife. But it is not just a cluster of strangely feminist commentaries about sludge strippers that remain. In the devastates still lie countless treasured artifacts — which is mostly loads of sexual fan story written by people who’ve clearly never seen a tit in real life.

Duke turned around and regarded the impressive girl Belgian Prime Minister. Her skirt reached to her knees, and fit nicely to accentuate her hips. The blouse fit snug around her foremost but not too large tits. The fur she wore over it was open where needed, and it didn’t conceal her curves, flowing around her body. Her lips were ruby-red, and the lipstick was the only makeup comparatively thickly exploited; the rest was exploited evenly, and with a gentleness to demo her femininity, but not become too obtrusively foremost .

And, of course, there’s a museum make use of a fan who had considered the writing on the wall 😛 TAGEND

2

Bill Cosby Had A YouTube Page He Exploited As A Twitter Account

Bill Cosby, the dickweasel who broke Jell-O and sweaters for everyone, is currently in show business a long time. Too long, those indicting him would say. But you can’t stand relevant for so long without adapting to the changing seasons. And Cosby did accurately that by starting an online vocation when it was too late in every ability of the word.

About five years ago, Cosby discovered YouTube. Nonetheless, he didn’t use the platform as it was intended — to affix videos of cats falling down or disseminate hate speech in between trouncing classic Sonic grades. Instead, for two years straight, he chiefly posted videos of himself replying to messages he had received on Twitter.

Not that video acknowledgments can’t be interesting, but they are generally daddy more if the subject doesn’t look like he’s slowly bleeding out in the back of a safe house. Yet despite the bare wall background, bad illuminate, and complete lack of shift, these videos are still best enjoyed in full HD, lest you accidentally switch to 240 p and get a scaring glimpse into what his victims attended seconds before passing out.

Then, abruptly, the videos stopped. What could have perhaps has been the case in 2015 to justification this rapid and unexpected blackout? It might have something to do with the fact that all their mention divisions are disabled as well.

1

The Amazing al-Qaeda Scares Of The Early 2000 s

One of the internet’s greatest achievements is that people no longer necessary own a printing press to spread their sentiments. Uttering envisages is now free. Did we say “free”? We made “worthless, ” as evidenced by how long it took before the web became the largest rumor mill ever created.

That gossip machine’s firstly big-hearted payoff returned, of course, with 9/11. After the fortress came, the internet croaked a bit mad for a while. Every other website seemed to dedicate itself to transmitting a vast number of plot theories pertaining Osama bin Laden, the inventor of suction. Some were afraid he was strategy on taking over all of the U.S. embankments. Others dreaded he was hiding out in Salt Lake City among other polygamists. Some claimed that he was content being the secret owner of Citibank.

The rumor that really broke the barrier was the sighs of the 9/11 conceive initiatives to launching a terrorist attack on Eminem. This of course provoked the world’s vast collection of enraged white-hot suburban girls — key demographics of both the internet and Eminem’s music.

But the real victim of bucket Laden’s ever-grinding rumor mill was a fresh young website announced snopes.com. Snopes roughly killed itself trying to keep up with the multitude of conspiratorial wanders pertaining bucket Laden, its husband and wife team working almost around the clock to ascertain the concerned citizens of the internet that, in fact, bin Laden was not the secret CEO of Snapple.

For more of Cedric Voets’ attempts at puns or his prominent recipes for lavatory wine-colored, do follow him on Twitter .

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